Yesterday, there was a news story that a local woman was the victim of an attempted murder. The report indicated a street and showed a house, so I could see the house number. No names were released, but the victim was a woman in her late 40’s or early 50’s, and there were two grown children.
Sometimes, we have intuitive triggers inside, and I followed my instinct. The address was vaguely familiar. As a former investigator, I knew some of the simple tools to find people, and confirmed my suspicion – I knew this woman. I’d worked with her for over ten years. We commuted to work together for about a year. Her children were so small then. I’d met her husband once.
In December 1994, he was charged with simple domestic assault, a misdemeanor. The case was disposed. In January 1995, he was charged with violation of a protective order. The case was dismissed. In February 1995, he was charged with felony assault with a dangerous weapon. He pled nolo contendere and was given a suspended sentence. In August 1999, he was charged with simple assault/battery, he pled nolo, and was given 350 days probation and ordered to have no contact with the victim.
You may be like me, saying ‘why didn’t she leave?’ I can’t answer it. Millions of women stay with abusive, violent spouses and partners. (And yes, I know domestic violence can affect men, too.) For those of us who know this victim, it’s hard to imagine, because she is a strong, very dominant personality, yet she continued to live with this poor excuse for a man. There may have been cultural and/or religious issues that others would never understand.
Either way, a friend is battling for her life. Her grown children are devastated. Her husband, after trying to kill his wife, took his own life, perhaps out of shame, or fear, or cowardice. He cannot hurt her any more. But if she survives, the scars will remain.
Martha Reynolds Writes 
As a survivor of domestic violence I can safely say that this poor woman didn’t leave for the same reason that I didn’t for so long; after every incident the abuser promises it will never happen again, and the victim is so afraid of being alone that they try desperately to believe it. I too am a strong woman, but the abuser makes you truly believe that you’d be nothing without them.
I’ve met women with terrible scars – both physical and emotional – from their experience. I will be thinking of your friend – please keep us updated xx
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Oh Gemma. First of all, I’m so sorry that you endured abuse at the hand of someone you thought you loved. I’m so grateful you’re now with a good man.
Yesterday I received some good news. Lucy’s vitals are stable, and when the doctor asked her to open her eyes, she did. She was still sedated, so she couldn’t move or talk. And I’m sure her children have not yet told her that her husband is dead. She still has to regain strength. One day at a time, right?
Thank you for posting. xxx
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That’s such good news that your friend seems to be recovering. I worry about how she’ll take it when she finds that her abuser took his own life though; hopefully with a sense of relief, even though it’s still going to hurt.
My first husband married again – to a woman who is happy to do everything he says and run around after him. He used to hurt me because I am very much my own person, and the more someone tries to tell me what to do the less likely I am to comply – I refuse to be anybody’s slave.
In many ways I’m not sorry that it happened to me. I’m a stronger person for it and I appreciate D far more than I otherwise might have done. My bad experiences taught me to recognise true love when it came my way 🙂
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How tragic….I’ll pray for her and her children. No matter their age, they need their mother.
At least he can no longer hurt her.
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My thoughts too, Pattie. It’s a terrible thing for the children to know.
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Martha this is so very sad. Please God that she pulls through.
I echo the thoughts and feelings of all those that have left comments.
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Thank you, Lottie – it’s a wait-and-see situation right now. xxx
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There are as many reasons people stay as reasons why they finally walk, not even those of us who have been there fully understand anothers reasons, hopefully she will pull through and find the strength to allow herself to live again, thoughts and prayers with her, her family and friends and of course you
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I hope so, too, Paula. She has two wonderful children, enough reason there to fight hard. Thank you.
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I would probably have put up with the violence for a lot longer had I not fallen pregnant. I realised that I didn’t want my child watching his or her father beating me up and have them either afraid to be in their own home or believing it to be normal behaviour. I also couldn’t run the risk of my husband hurting the child.
I’m certain that I would have left eventually anyway, but I was young and believed him every time he said it would never happen again.
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I think we all believe the tears and apologise at first i did too
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apologys damn need my glasses
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All i can say is he did everyone a favor by taking his life…No one should have to endore what that poor woman went through…My prayers to her and her children..
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For whatever reason, it’s better that he’s gone. Of course, now he can’t be prosecuted.
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I hope she doesn’t blame herself for her husband’s death. I wish for her to find a sense of freedom and release and years of happiness to come.
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Thank you, Karen. I hope so, too. She’s a good mother to her beautiful children.
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I will keep her in my prayers.
thank you
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I know, my friend. You and I are both hoping for the best. xoxo
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Thanks for Sharing this Martha. So sad. I hope she survives and rebuilds her life. It a shame that some people have such a hold over others, that somehow they feel compelled to stay with them no matter what.
How long were you an investigator for?
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Thanks, Sandra. I conducted fraud investigations for over a decade, and hold my Certified Fraud Examiner designation proudly, although I’m now retired from it.
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Bless her heart. She has, no doubt, endured a lifetime of pain. The circumstances of an upbringing that creates the codependent need to stay in an abusive relationship is often times as devastating and violent (though not always physically) as the relationship we find them in. I hope that she finds peace now. It is likely she will blame herself for his death. So sad. 😦
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Thank you, Beth. That was very well said.
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That’s true, Geri. We read about these things every day, but when it’s someone you know and care about, the pain is intense.
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These stories are horrible and worst when you know the person. I hope she make a full recovery. Prayers— —
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